Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
