they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
