Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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