there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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