I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
