he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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