stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
