got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
