I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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