We need to rekindle our bromance
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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