just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
