I am spending my child support on dildos
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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