I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You are a booty call, not a friend.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
