it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize
