I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
