The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
