Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
