so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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