Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
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