i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
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