Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
