I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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