it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
