If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
