I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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