Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
