My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
