lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
