but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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