have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
