in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
