im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
