WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
