Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
So apparently I’m into choking now
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
