I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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