Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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