The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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