Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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