I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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