apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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