I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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