i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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