Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
