im drinking this country out of the recession.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
