I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
