don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
