Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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