thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
