So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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