When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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