i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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